A Soldier's Homecoming
by Slasher99
Summary: Slash fanfic - Destiel - Au! Castiel is a broken doctor trying to fight his addiction with help of AA Group, he's life is simple and dull, full of dreams that didn't come true, until a divine intervention changes everything.
1. In My Recovery

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

_._

_"My Name is Castiel and... I'm an alcoholic"_

_"Hi, Castiel!"_ Answered the group in unison, Castiel smiled shy, he looked small standing inside that circle of people he barely knew.

_"It's been two weeks that I don't drink"_ Continued him proudly, all of them smiled with satisfaction, it wasn't easy to admit a problem, and it was harder to overcome it. _"I used to drink every day… It all began with that day in April, it was 1975, my best friend returned to town… A war hero…"_

_._

* * *

_**1975** – End of April_

* * *

.

I was in my office, it doesn't look like now, but back then I was a young and enthusiastic doctor; I had a huge sense of humor and a bit of an ego, but none of this protected me from what was coming.

Dean, returned to town, I must say I always liked him… We, Sam his little brother, Dean and me used to play games at his father's house. I remember how they were a happy family, if I could go back in time I would do things differently, that's for sure.

He headed straight to my office, I barely recognized him; he was bigger, his muscles were stronger and his eyes… There was something off about it, but his smile were just the same

_"Cas!"_ He shouted hugging me, he was stronger indeed, and he lifted me up like I was so much lighter than I was. I smiled confused then I recognized him when he putted me down.

_"D-Dean!"_

_"Yeah, are you a doctor now?"_ He asked me sitting on my chair, he was in uniform, marine uniform, and his heavy bag was on the floor

_"Yes, I just graduated… I didn't hear you were coming"_

_"My mail must have been lost on the way, but I sent you a letter"_

_"Don't your parents know you are here?"_

_"No, I came straight to see you"_

_"Why?"_ I asked confused, last time we talked we didn't exactly part friends

_"I'm glad you sent me letters, Cas"_ Continued he with a smile, I almost forgot that I sent him a letter weekly, Sam made me promise to send it while he was studying in England, he wanted to become the best writer in the history, such a childish promise.

_"I-it's was nothing, it's was a way to say sorry because of our last fight"_

_"I know, last time I saw you, you were just an intern at the central hospital"_

_"True, but it's been two years Dean… I can't believe it's finally over"_

_"Neither do I, Cas"_ Said Dean troubled, looking at the window, like if someone was there, I didn't realize, but he quickly snapped out of it with a smile, I should've know that by that; If only I was wiser.

.

* * *

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

.

_"Castiel, right?"_ Asked a man sat close to me, Gabriel, he was sort of the youngster in our group, always dressed in white for some weirdo reason.

_"Y-yes?"_

_"How would you know back then? Was in that time that they found out about the '**soldier's heart syndrome'?**"_

_"Yes, you are right… Even if we knew I was too young to help him"_ I breathe out relieved, this AA group in my town was something to relay on, I was glad I did seek them, I nodded and continued.

.

* * *

_**1975** – End of April_

* * *

.

_"You know why I joined the army in the first place, Cas"_ Continued Dean with a smile _"I needed to run away from my father's grasp"_

_"Dean that is why we fought… Remember what I told you?"_

_"Yeah, army is not the answer… But Sammy would go if I didn't, you know that kid is smart; my father would never allow him to go; I was the fittest"_

_"You were **eighteen years old,** Dean!" _I shouted, Dean smiled shy, I bet he thought it was amazing how he still got in my nerves after all this time.

_"I know, dumb kid going to the army; No girlfriend; No family support only your letters to keep me going..."_ Dean smiled and I saw a dim light in his eyes, whatever happened abroad broke him in pieces and now I could see it. _"How is my old man?"_

_"He is drinking again, you mother doesn't come around anymore to check up on him..."_ I said, Dean knew that already, in my letters I used to send him pictures of the town and of his dad. John was found of me, Mary wasn't around much, her family (_The Campbell's_) kept looking after her; she was an amazing person, but always lost in her own world, most of sensible souls are like that; After Sam's birth she became obsessed with the spiritual world and lost herself in it.

_"Are you checking on him, Cas?"_

_"You know I'm a doctor, Dean, even if he wasn't your dad I would check up on him"_ I replied sorting out some papers in my file cabinet, I was looking for John's file.

_"Cas, Sam told me a year ago that he asked you to write to me"_ Said Dean with a sympathetic smile; I must have made a surprised face because he laughed at me

_"S-so?"_

_"He told me that he sent you a letter sometime after that, so that you could stop to writing letters to me, because he was sending me letters instead..."_

_"Oh"_ I said, I knew Sam sent that letter to me, but I wouldn't stop sending letters to Dean. I was too worried to stop.

_"Why did you keep sending me letters?"_ Asked Dean with a smile, I didn't know if he was curious or just puzzled

_"I would miss our talks"_ I replied surprising myself, John was so good to me when I was a child; I just wanted to help somehow.

_"I'm glad you didn't… Sammy, is doing great at the university, he is even writing a book!"_ Continued Dean excited, I smiled embarrassed, but then I laughed… _"Why are you laughing?"_

_"You are afraid of seeing your old man again, Dean?"_

_"I-I'm not!"_ Stammered Dean, I laughed again he just came from war and was afraid of his dad

_"Do you want me to come with you?"_ I asked him, like I used to in high school when Dean got in trouble

_"Just like the old times, hun?"_ Said Dean resting his hand on my shoulder

_"Yeah, I'm closing now. If you don't mind hanging around a bit, I have paperwork to do"_

_"I don't mind"_ Continued Dean smiling, Maybe that was my first mistake.


	2. Started Out With A Kiss

_**1975** – End of April_

* * *

.

_"Mr. Winchester?"_ I said knocking on the door, Dean was by my side, but he was nervous like a child

_"I'm coming"_ I heard followed with the sound of John's boots on the wooden floor _"Cas, what you are doing here?"_

_"I came to bring you someone…"_ I said pointing to Dean, John smiled wide and embraced him, it was really a long time they didn't see each other

_"Dean, son… It's so good to see you!"_ Said John while Dean carried his bag inside, I walked in and closed the door

_"Dad, it's good to be back!"_ Replied Dean sitting on the couch, the house was extremely clean for a change, and I thought something was off "_You cleaned?"_

_"Yeah, my friend Ellen came around, she forced me to clear…"_

_"Oh, yeah Ellen, where's Bobby?"_

_"He still on his cars business, at Detroit now"_

_"That's good… And hun, mum?"_

_"She still on wonderland, now she believes she found a way to Avalon…"_ Said John drinking a beer, I watched all like a mere viewer as always, I never was a Winchester, but Dean always saw me as family. _"Where are you staying, son?"_

_"At Cas's place"_ Replied Dean winking at me, and I understood he didn't want to live with his dad again. All made sense he wanted me to help him, I didn't mind one bit. Dean used to be the friend I could rely on when the bullies tried to beat me up on school. I was kind of happy we would share an apartment.

_"Why don't stay here? There's plenty of space!"_ Replied John suspicious; he was a cunning man despite his drunkenness.

_"Cas needs a roommate, he works at night often and isn't good to leave an apartment empty for night or days"_

_"I see, you are awfully quiet, Castiel"_ Replied John looking at me, in fact I was just a bit in shock that the war was over

_"Oh, yes… I'm just trying to wrap my head around the end of this war"_ I said looking at Dean's eyes again, I still felt unsure about him, like he was trying too hard not to run away

_"Me too, I'm too old… And I've seen a lot of war, almost died twice. I'm glad my sons are safe"_

_"Well, it was good to see you, dad, but I'm going now… Cas?"_ Said Dean taking his bag off the floor, John embraced him and said something on his ear, I said goodbye and we left to my apartment.

I turned the engine on and Dean sat by my side, he smiled like a child.

_"Sorry about inviting myself to your apartment"_ Continued Dean while looking through the window, I smiled and nodded while driving _"Some days I felt so much pain, I thought I couldn't go on… then I remembered the first time you wrote to me"_

_"I know, the sun will rise again, I wrote to you…"_ I said embarrassed, I was reading too much poetry that time, I admit

_"Yes, you remember…"_ Said Dean surprised _"That quote gave me strength, Cas… Actually you gave me strength."_

_"T-thank you"_ I said, the silence took place on my car, my apartment was close, but those ten minutes felt like an eternity, I knew Dean was gazing at my face the way.

.

* * *

.

_"Wow"_ Said Dean dropping his bag on the wood floor, the apartment was quite big; a big white sofa, a television, a kitchen, a bathroom and some paintings in the walls. _"You are living big, Cas!"_

_"Yeah, maybe"_ I said closing the door "_Tomorrow you need to make some copies of the keys"_

_"Cas?"_ Whispered Dean, he was way too close to me, and I could feel his breath on my nose

_"Dean?"_ I whispered back in an embarrassed way _"Why are you so close to me?"_

Dean just kissed me, which shocked me a little; I liked it may I say, his lips were rough and warm… I wish I didn't kiss him back, maybe I would've avoid so many things; like my addiction.

_"Dean!?"_ I said in low tone getting some space between us, I felt lost and a little strange… I've never been kissed by a boy before, and Dean was like family to me, I was totally lost… He must have realized that and he quickly backed away from me with shame on his eyes.

_"Cas, I'm sorry… It's was a mistake… Kissing you"_ Continued Dean looking away, I smiled friendly and touched his shoulder, then he turned with a sad expression; I embraced him and he cried on my shoulder. I never saw Dean crying like this, except the day he broke his arm in the kinder garden when I met him. _"Am I disgusting to you Cas?"_

_"No"_ I replied holding him tighter _"Don't say that…"_

_"Now that you know what am I, do you want me to leave?"_ Asked Dean with a fragile voice, his tears had stopped, but not his fear

_"No, Dean… I would never leave you"_

_"But you don't love me do you?"_ Replied Dean looking into my eyes, I was too confused, I was curious and afraid; I knew that such 'practice' was bad… Or at least it was what my father told me when I went to university.

_"I don't know, Dean"_ I caught myself saying, Dean smiled sincerely, that's why he came to me… I didn't know he liked boys, but I liked Dean… Didn't I?

_"You are always sincere, Cas… that is what I like about you"_ Continued Dean taking his bag to my vacant bedroom, I talked with him how I was in need of a new roommate, but I never thought in sharing an apartment with him. It was a crazy day.

* * *

_**May** - 1 /1975_

* * *

The smell of bacon and eggs woke me up, Dean served breakfast. He was in a really good mood, I sat on the table with my Pajamas on, and it was the beginning of my day off.

_"There you go!"_ Said Dean putting some eggs and bacon on my plate, I smiled and began to eat, he sat in the chair facing me

_"I'm sorry about yesterday… about the kiss and all that talk"_ He continued eating some bacon strips

_"I'm ok with that…"_ I continued smiling _"I mean… I just don't know if I like you in that way"_

_"I thought you felt the same about me…"_ Continued Dean a little disappointed _"So, you didn't feel a thing?"_

_"Well…"_ I said trying to remember _"I felt something, but I felt strange"_

_"Strange good or strange bad?"_ Asked Dean with a big smile

_"Dean, you know that even if I felt bad, that's not right…"_ I continued finishing my plate

_"So you felt good?"_ Said Dean smiling mischievous, I shook my head and laughed

_"You don't care about it, do you?"_ I asked curious, Dean smiled again and kissed me on my lips, this time I felt good; Dean's lips were warm and rigid. I was scared and at same time tempted.

_"I don't"_ He said taking my plate away

_"I've never been with a man before…"_ I said… _"I was a little scared, Have you…?"_

_"Yes"_ He replied to me confidently, I felt a little jealous… Who was he? I was Dean's oldest friend, but I felt like a stranger now.

_"Army?"_ I asked a little suspicious

_"Yeah"_ He replied embarrassed _"Don't ask and don't tell"_

_"I see" _I laughed, for the first time I looked at Dean with other eyes, he was really handsome…

_"I've always likes you Cas"_ Said Dean smiling and embracing me from behind the chair, his hand rested on my chest, his calm breathing on my shoulder, I smiled and closed my eyes _"Since that day when I broke my arm, remember?"_

_"Yes, you were crying like a girl…"_

_"I was a brat…"_ He continued laughing _"You found me at the feet of a three, and lent me your shoulder… I knew I liked you that day"_

_"I was playing firefighter that day when I found you"_ Laughed Castiel kissing Dean's forearm _"I was glad I found a friend, my brothers were too old to understand me"_

_"So I became your brother…"_ Laughed Dean softly _"What are we now? Friends? Lovers?"_

_"I don't know Dean…"_ I replied with a bit of fear, I knew I loved Dean in that exactly moment, but how would I go against my father's teachings?

_"It's ok, Cas…"_ Continued Dean smiling _"I just want to be with you… Can I stay?"_

_"Well…"_ I smiled _"I was looking for a roommate…"_


	3. Pillow Talk

_**May 1th 1975** – Night_

* * *

.

"Dean and I spent the whole day talking about the future; Dean wanted to open a mechanical shop with his Dad, I said it was an amazing idea, but I was worried about his Dad's heath condition. John refused to be treated on a hospital; all I could do was giving him medication."

_"Can you just hospitalize him?"_ Asked Dean worried

_"No, if he refuses treatment I can't do a thing"_ I replied holding Dean's hand, it was heavier than I remembered, his hand was like a stone and there was some bruises on it and a still closing wound, I took a look on it in silence _"Let me do a dressing on your hand…"_

Dean smiled while I did a dressing on his hand, I knew it wasn't much; at this stage his wound was almost healed _"I wish he was less stubborn"_

_"Me too"_ I replied now holding his hand again, Dean smiled and touched my chin lightly, I smiled back to him. The roughness of his fingers was awfully strange to me, not that Dean ever had softy hands, but this time was different. _"You father is a grown man, Dean"_ I continued standing up and picking an anatomy book _"I would worry about your mother…"_

_"I guess you are right"_ Said Dean running his hands though his short hair, it was like a golden field, even the Vietnam sun couldn't turn it black _"How is your sister?"_

_"Anna?"_ I asked confused _"Or Rachel?"_

_"Both"_ Smiled Dean, I guess he forgot I had two sisters

_"Rachel is too young to marry, mother keeps teaching her how to be a house wife"_ I said after resting the book on the table, Dean looked at me with curiosity _"Anna is in the army, she is a nurse… I guess she didn't came back yet"_

_"Do you think she is ok?"_ Asked Dean worried, I knew he liked her, but now Dean's sexuality was way too confusing to me.

_"She is smart and strong"_ I replied, Dean stood up and held me by my shirt's collar, he looked at my face with a smile, I was kind of scared, and he just stood in silence.

_"Cas, I need to confess something"_ He whispered, I smiled and nodded confused, what was going on?

_"I watched some troops killing kids, Cas… Kids"_ He said with tears on his eyes, I must've made a terrorized expression, because Dean looked at me with shame on his face. _"When Anna returns she'll tell you… It was hell, Cas"_

_"Dean"_ I replied holding his hands _"It's over now"_

**_"What have we done!?"_** Continued he grabbing tight on my collar

_"D-Dean… You are hurting me"_ I said, Dean let me go scared, then he embraced me tight

_"I'm sorry, Cas… I didn't meant to hurt you"_ He whispered afraid that someone would listen to him or afraid that anything could happen, I knew that something wasn't right with him, I held him for a while in silence

_"It's ok, you need to relax, Dean…"_ I continued sitting him down on the couch, I rested his head on my lap _"You just came back yesterday; you need something to keep your head busy… You'll see that everything will work out fine"_

_"You are right"_ Said Dean taking a deep breath _"Cas, I'm just… A bit disturbed by things I saw at that place"_

_"I understand"_ I said running my fingers thought his hair, it was so short and yet so rough, the Vietnam's sun was unforgiving _"You just need time, Dean, don't push yourself too much"_

_"Thank you, Cas…"_ Continued Dean closing his eyes _"Can I sleep with you tonight?"_

_"Hey!"_ I said laughing, Dean blushed

_"I mean in the same bed, I'm having nightmares… It would help me, Cas"_

_"Of Course"_ I smiled and he turned his green eyes to me; those are the eyes I was waiting to see_ "I told Sammy I would keep an eye on you when you came back"_

_"I can't believe I'm home, finally"_ Continued Dean with a smile_ "You don't know how many times I dreamed of this moment, I was resting my head on your lap and you would play with my hair; Now it's feels like a dream"_

_"Well…"_ I said kissing his cheek lightly, Dean opened his eyes and smiled to me _"See, not a dream"_

_"Thank you"_ He replied closing his eyes again.

.

* * *

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

.

_"I heard about it, but I never knew if it was true for sure"_ Said Gabriel again a little embarrassed, I realized he didn't mean to interrupt me like this

_"Neither did I, Dean was scared of falling asleep, he would tell me about his nightmares"_ I continued smiling _"I tried my best to make him feel better"_

_"I'm sure you did, Castiel"_ Said Meg with a smile, I didn't know a lot about her, but I knew that she was also fighting her addiction that was enough for me "_Please go, on"_

_._

* * *

_**May 2th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

"I woke up with Dean holding me, he was watching me sleep; Dean smiled happily when I opened my eyes; I must confess I found it cute, but I was also surprised, Dean always stroke me as a macho men guy"

_"Dean? When did you wake up?"_ I whispered, my voice kept breaking up; I guess I just needed a glass of water

_"A while ago, you slept so soundly that I didn't have the heart to wake you up… Cas"_ He said in such a childish way that I laughed softly automatically, Dean smiled embarrassed

_"Thank you"_ I replied kissing the back of his hand

_"For what?"_ He replied confused

_"For protecting me while I slept"_ I said opening his arms and standing up, I needed to take a shower and go to my office; my office was more than a home for me that my apartment.

_"Hun, you are welcome"_ Replied Dean smiling, he looked beautiful on the bed; but also he looked a little worried. _"Are you leaving?"_

_"Yeah"_ I replied walking to the bathroom _"I need to go to my office"_

_"Can you just stay here?"_

_"I can't Dean"_ I continued turning my shower on, the warm water came down on me_ "I really need to work; I have too many appointments, and I can't cancel any"_

_"I understand"_ Said Dean leaning at the door frame, I knew he was looking at me on the shower, I smiled, and it was awkward… I wasn't used to a men peeking on me like that _"You look great"_

_"Thank you, I guess"_ I replied smiling and wrapping myself in a towel, Dean came at me in silence with a smile and dried my hair with another towel; I really didn't know the real Dean, all this time he was acting tough, why to impress me?

_"I like you, Cas"_ He whispered smiling, I turned and smiled back _"Do we have to keep it as secret?"_

_"Dean"_ I said protesting while dressing my suit _"You know what the society would say… Or what they would do to us"_

_"What can they do to us?"_

_"They can break us, or kill us… Don't you remember what happened to those guys?"_

_"How can I forget?"_ Said Dean turning his back on me, it was a brutal execution; they dragged their bodies all over the town. I remember well when Sam, Dean and I saw their bodies completely bloody, ragged clothes and skinless. _"It was a cruel execution"_

_"See, for now it's better to keep it as a secret"_ I continued embracing Dean by his back, I rested my chin on his arm, Dean smiled and nodded. He already had too much drama to handle more. _"Now I'm going to my office, will you be okay by yourself?"_

_"I'm grown man, Cas"_ He chucked, I turned my back with another smile and left. I didn't remember longing so much to get home; I kept working until there was nothing left for me to do; then I stopped and watched the streets, it was empty; So many soldiers returning home and so many people died, it felt a little lonely.

I got to my home, it was a mess I immediately shouted Dean's name, but nobody answered me; I ran to the kitchen and Dean surprised me with a gun in hands, it was the first time I saw so much madness in his eyes; I must admit it broke me in pieces, he looked at me confused and scared; I held him in my arms without saying a word.

_"Cas… I thought I was back on… Vietnam"_ He whispered realizing now what he had done_ "I'm sorry, I made a mess…"_

_"It's ok, Dean"_ I whispered back taking his gun away, I wondered how did he find my pistol; but now I was too concerned about him to think about it _"We'll clean it up, just sit down with me… let's talk about it"_ I said sitting on the floor with him, He was confused and scared; I looked right in his eyes _"What happened?"_

_"I thought I saw Vietcong's troops outside"_ He said embarrassed _"But that's not possible right?"_

_"Dean, I think you need help"_ I said holding his hand, he smiled _"I have a psychiatric friend, Balthazar… He can help us out"_

_"Cas, I'm afraid I'm going crazy"_ He said squeezing my hand lightly, I kissed his forehead and helped him stand up

_"You won't go crazy, Dean, I'm here with you"_ I whispered in his ears, Dean calmed down, while he helped me to clean things up, I realized that maybe I wasn't enough to keep Dean from falling apart.

Later that night Dean slept soundly for the first time, I couldn't sleep; I was worried, I kept checking on him, thinking how I could help.

_"Cas?"_ He whispered seeing me awake_ "Aren't you gonna sleep?"_

_"I'm just having some problems to fall asleep"_ I replied, too many things kept racing on my mind, Dean smiled and held me like a child; he putted his mouth near my ears and whispered "_It's ok, Cas… I'll get better"_ I smiled with some hope in my heart, hearing Dean's voice was so comforting, he kissed my forehead and rested his nose on my neck; I could feel a chill like I used to feel when he kissed me. _"Just don't give up on me"_

_"I would never, Dean"_ I replied finally falling asleep

.


	4. Jefferson Starships

_**May 3th 1975** – Afternoon_

* * *

.

I was on the waiting room; Balthazar's office was bigger than I thought. Dean was there talking with him about his hallucinations and I was anxious; after a couple of minutes Dean came out smiling and Balthazar was with him.

_"Castiel my friend"_ He said embracing me and looked at my face _"You've changed!"_

_"So have you, Balthazar"_ I replied laughing, Dean rested his arms on my shoulder

_"Your friend here is just stressed…"_ Continued Balthazar with a smile _"He just needs to rest a little, Cas"_

_"I was worried, thank you"_ I replied, Dean smiled and shook Balthazar's hand

_"And hun"_ Whispered Balthazar after looking around _"You guys are a really cute couple"_ I immediately blushed like a teenager and Dean took his arms off my shoulder worried _"It's ok, Cas, I can keep a secret"_

_"Thank you"_ I whispered back and Dean breathed out relieved.

When we got home I sat on the couch relieved and somewhat happy, Dean sat by my side and rested his head on my shoulder "_I like your friend, Balthazar… right?"_

_"Yes, we met at the hospital"_ I replied closing my eyes, the day was hot and a cool breeze passed through the apartment

_"Did you know that he like boys too?"_

_"No"_ I replied with a smile _"I had no idea"_

_"I love your smile, it was one of the things I missed so much while on that place"_ Continued Dean while his hands caressed my chest _"I never stopped to think about you… I guess that place made me realize who much I needed you"_

_"I-I never thought you had these feelings for me… I mean, I wanted you to… But… you know"_ Dean laughed softly, I didn't know what to say

_"I know, you've always been so… Straight like, I was surprised that you kissed me back…"_

_"I was surprised too"_ I laughed

_"Cas, are you afraid of me?"_

_"No"_ I said surprised _"Why?"_

_"Yesterday I acted like a crazy… I almost shot you"_

_"You wouldn't hurt me, Dean"_

_"What makes you so sure?"_

_"Nothing, but the fact we spent our entire lives together… I know who you are Dean, you would never hurt me… I know you"_

_"Cas… You make me be someone better that I am"_

_"You are welcome"_ I chucked; Dean kissed my neck and smiled. We returned to the apartment, Dean seemed fine; no, he looked better just like before. We talked about many things, like schools and old friends, it was a nice day; but when the night came he was shaken. Dean held my hand and held him on my arms, I liked how he sighted relieved; like I was protecting him from the war.

_"Thank you, Cas"_ He whispered on my ears _"I don't know when I'll get better once for all, but when I do I'll never forget you"_

_"I'll never forget you too"_ I replied, I was so hopeful that everything would work out fine that nothing could take my hopes away. _"Dean"_

_"I'm going to my father's house tomorrow, to talk about the mechanical shop"_ He continued looking into my eyes, I nodded and he lay on the bed; I lay by his side and stopped to hear his breathing. I watched his chest go up and down; Dean was like a boy now, untroubled by his problems, untouched by war; who would know by looking at him now that he went through war. I was truly happy that moment.

.

* * *

_**May 3th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

Dean woke up and ate his breakfast with me, I left to my office, but I was afraid that Dean needed me while I was away. I must confess that I spent the whole day thinking how crazy all it seemed; it was like a teenager dream coming true, I smiled to myself every now and then when I was filling some forms or sorting out some papers.

Lunch time came really fast, I ate some pasta and called John's house, Dean answered and we talked a little; He was happy that his father accepted to open a mechanical shop with him, I knew Dean loved cars.

I filled some forms again, it was hard not to think about Dean or the mechanical shop, I was as excited as he was and I was worried too. I wanted to be there if Dean had one of those crises again, I decided to stop being worried without doing a thing; I searched for some books on the subjects, needless to say that it was difficult to find something on books that time. I found something, but I knew I needed to talk with Balthazar, he was the specialist; I smiled; now I knew what I would do tomorrow.

I got home and it was getting dark, Dean was on the sofa watching some silly sitcom. I passed him by and kissed his shoulder; he smiled at me and touched my chin lightly. I took a shower and came back to find Dean eating sardine and some lettuce salad.

_"I didn't know that you liked this kind of food"_ I said sitting in a chair facing him

_"I don't, but Balthazar told me I needed a diet"_ He said displeased _"Like I needed"_

_"Well, you can always find room for improvement"_ I chucked, Dean smiled _"I'm glad Balthazar is helping you out"_

_"I'm glad too, Cas"_ Said Dean finishing his food _"Those two years were like hell"_

_"I can only imagine… I'm glad you came back safe, do you remember that guy… Danny I think"_

_"Benny"_ Said Dean chucking _"Yeah, I heard he was killed on the war… I'm glad that it was over"_

_"I've always liked Benny; he was kind of bad guy"_

_"Benny wasn't bad… He was just misunderstood"_ Said Dean putting his plate on the sink, I smiled, maybe he knew more than what he told me about Benny;

_"How would you know it?"_

_"I talked with him in the camp, we were in training…"_ Continued Dean sitting in front of me "_At first I didn't like him a bit… He was kind of dark, creep guy"_

_"So what changed?"_

_"We had a jump exercise"_ Continued Dean excited _"We went high as we could, I remember being afraid, but he sat by my side and smiled… He told me, being afraid of falling is part of being brave enough to do it, I must confess it gave confidence to jump"_

_"He seemed like a good guy"_

_"He was, after that we talked often and we even went through survival training together"_ Dean sighted and smiled sadly again, I rested my hand on his shoulder

_"Well, at least he isn't hurting anymore"_ Dean looked deep into my eyes and nodded, I smiled embarrassed; Dean was so boyish. _"Neither will you"_

_"How can you be sure, Cas?"_

_"Dean"_ I said kissing his hand _"I can't explain, I just feel it"_

_"Cas…_

_"Yes?"_ I laughed; he held my hand and pulled me closer

_"Never mind…"_ I must've blushed, because Dean chucked and kissed me lightly on my forehead

_"Why are you laughing?"_ I asked confused, Dean just stood up, smiled and went to our room. It's was strange how clueless I was.

At night Dean always used to try to convince me to have sex with him, but it always ended up in such awkward and funny situations that we just laughed or went to sleep. I didn't think it was strange that we didn't have sex yet. I thought it was cute, Dean was just shaken or too anxious, I didn't want to 'treat' him with sex; so we both decided that we would have sex, but only if we both wanted. It was a thing that worked out well for us.

.

* * *

_**May 4th 1975** – Afternoon_

* * *

.

The morning came too fast and passed faster, I left my job earlier than I used to; to be honest I just wanted to go home and take a bath, a cold one, it was a hot day.

_"Cas?!"_ Said Dean shirtless sitting on the couch, I looked at him and smiled. Was that the way Dean used to relax? _"I was taking a nap"_

_"Well, don't stop now…"_ I said smiling _"I like the way you sleep"_

_"Oh"_ He said putting his shirt on, I chucked, Dean was embarrassed. It wasn't like I never saw him naked, but seeing him relaxed on the couch like this was something new to me _"Sorry"_

_"Hey, you don't have to put your shirt on… Today is hot, you know"_ I said hanging my white coat and hat

_"I'm not comfortable to be shirtless… Vietnam was hot, but it was dangerous to be shirtless, too much mosquitoes"_

_"Well, you aren't in Vietnam anymore…"_ I said resting my briefcase on the floor _"The only danger here is me"_ I laughed, Dean laughed and grabbed my arms

_"I see, then… I think I need to neutralize you before I can relax"_

_"You'd better do"_ I kissed him, it was different from the first time now my fear was gone, while Dean unbuttoned my shirt I sat him on the couch; Both of us smiled. _"Do you really want to do it?"_

_"Do you?"_

_"Well, I want to"_ I said thinking how silly this talk was, Dean chucked and ran his tongue around my nipples; I felt like laughing and I did, Dean laughed too and we both ended up on the floor, because I lost my balance. _"Sorry"_ I said laughing still _"I swear I was trying to have sex with you, but it got just too funny"_

_"I agree"_ Said Dean helping me stand up, he laughed too while I buttoned my shirt again _"Maybe next time, Cas"_

_"Yeah, we got time right?"_ I said walking to the kitchen

_"Right, bring me a beer, honey"_ Shouted Dean on the couch I could hear the television being turned on, I chucked and brought him beer; Dean knew I wasn't found of '_honey',_ but he called me every now and then to tease me.

_"What are you watching?"_ I said sitting by his side, Dean drank a sip of his beer and smiled

_"News about the world, and these guys 'rolling stones' singing some song about black slaves girls being raped"_

_"Wow, hun… That's nasty"_ I said a little shocked, it was another time… I couldn't even believe that it was on news

_"I think that too, those guys sound good though, they are in a tour through here"_

_"Do you want to go see them?"_

_"Heaven's no"_ Replied Dean laughing _"I really don't want deal with a lot of drunk people singing"_

_"Hey, they are talking about Stevie Wonder"_ I said excited, Dean looked at me confused

_"Who?"_

_"You know that guy with that groove music, Motown style… You Haven't Done Nothing"_

_"I heard about him, but I didn't think he is so great"_

_"So you tell me whose is great? Dean"_ I mocked, Dean cleaned his throat

_"Alice cooper… No more, Mr. Nice guy"_ He replied singing like he thought Alice cooper himself would sing, I laughed hard._ "Come on, Cas"_ He said a little upset, but Dean laughed too

_"Sorry, but this music is kind of old, Dean"_ I said resting my head on his shoulder _"It like 3 years old"_

_"I know, but I just came back"_

_"You know he went solo now, right?"_

_"Solo?!"_

_"Yes, don't know why"_

_"Well, we still have the king right?"_

_"Yeah, I forgot you liked his songs"_

_"Oh, I would love to hear 'burning love' again on the radio"_

_"I thought it was playing all the time"_

_"No, they are always playing 'Suspicious minds' and 'Fever'"_

_"We could buy a vinyl; my sis left me her gramophone"_

_"Can we?"_

_"Yeah, I bet we can find this Hawaiian LP"_

_"Oh, that would be great!' _Said Dean holding me _"What about turning the radio on and the television off?"_

_"Seems good"_ The radio began to play

_"Should I hurt your feelings and keep on lying?"_

_"What a heck is that Cas?"_

_"One thing leads to another; and another"_

_"Don't know, I guess it's Jefferson Starships"_

_"That is really horrible…"_ Said Dean turning the radio off

_"It was kind of cool"_ I said chucking, Dean made a serious face

_"I hope you are joking"_

_"Maybe"_


	5. And Tomorrow Never Came

_**May 5th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

I woke up alone, I admit that I freaked out a bit; but Dean showed up almost 2 minutes later; I felt like a fool, but he didn't notice that.

_"Morning, Cas"_ He said opening the curtains, the morning light was dim that day; I guess my sunny days were almost over

_"Morning, Dean"_ I replied throwing my blanket aside, Dean came to me and sat by my side; I smiled when he embraced me and whispered in my ears that he wanted to keep that moment in his memories.

_"Say cheese"_ He said taking a picture, I didn't realize after he took it _"Oh, it looks real nice"_

_"Dean!"_ I said embarrassed, he knew I hated have my pictures taken _"You would've told me"_

_"But you looked so cute, how can I resist?"_ I made an angry face and Dean kissed me, he knew how to calm me down.

_"Come on, I cooked breakfast"_ He said dragging me to the kitchen, I remember it was bacon and eggs; my memory is kind fuzzy when it comes down to our talk that day. But I'm pretty sure it was about him joining an activist group on San Francisco.

_"Dean, no!"_ I said worried _"Those people attract too much attention"_

_"That is what we need, there's this guy Milk that some guys used to talk about on the day back…"_

_"No way, Dean"_ I said again upset _"Can you see that this is bound to and will end badly?"_

_"How can you be sure?"_

_"Dean, I know you… What is on your mind, are you leaving?"_

_"No"_ He replied embarrassed _"But just listen to me, Cas"_ Dean continued standing up _"If we can get our rights we can get married and not hide it anymore, Cas, can't you see how great it is?"_

_"Get married?"_ I asked suspicious, Dean smiled

_"Well, I know it's too soon… But we will eventually get married right?"_

_"Dean"_ I said and laughed, how did things become that serious already? _"Not even you dad know about us, and if my brother finds out he will kill you"_

_"Wow, I didn't know Michael was that violent guy"_

_"No, he is just overprotective"_

_"Well, but eventually I'll tell him…"_

_"You know that your dad's heath is really unstable right now"_ I continued while Dean stood behind me and his arms were wrapped on my chest _"Dean, you need to talk him into hospitalization soon"_

_"I'll try, Cas… But he is stubborn; I wish Sammy was here… He would've convince him"_

_"Maybe, but Sam is abroad… So you need to make do"_

That day was a good day, I went to my office and Dean tried to convince John to be hospitalized; when I came back home Dean was sitting on the floor with a lot of pamphlets.

_"What is that?"_

_"Oh, Cas"_ He said surprised and hid one _"Just things I needed to clarify"_

_"Things?"_ I asked suspicious hanging my coat _"Dean?"_

_"Ok, it's the Castro's street pamphlets… I was just curious"_ I sat on the floor facing him; I took one pamphlets and read it, it didn't appealed to me that much. I didn't intend to marry or even come out, but I knew Dean wouldn't agree with my option.

_"Well"_ I said trying to find words _"Dean, I'm worried, if they find out about us?"_

_"We are careful"_ He whispered, I felt like I was part of a cult where only Dean, Balthazar and I were in the know of things. _"Besides we can take care of ourselves"_

_"Can we?"_ I whispered back _"I'm a doctor; if this thing becomes public knowledge I'll get fired and won't be able to find a job… Dean I love you, you know it; I'm not willing to lose it all because of a dream"_

_"Cas, this is not right…"_ He said in normal voice _"We should be able to be who we are, it's not just a fancy dream, it is something that needs to become reality for all of us"_

_"Dean, please, think about it and take one step at time"_

_"I will, Cas… I just want to you know that I want us to be happy, to be together like everybody else"_

_"I know, Dean…"_ I said hugging him, Dean rested his head on my chest and I felt like I was holding a crying child _"I'll make things work out fine, Dean"_

.

* * *

_**May 6th 1975** – Night_

* * *

.

The day passed fast and Dean was happy, his dad agreed to be treated at least. I was happy to spend more time with John, he used to tell me his old war stories; I laughed so much when he used to talk about Sam peculiarities; like how he didn't like folk music and how Dean used to play some to annoy him. John loved country, I never understood why.

_"How is my dad going?"_

_"It's too soon to tell, Dean"_ I said laying by his side on the bed _"He just agreed to be treated today"_

_"But I won't lose him, right?"_

_"I don't think so"_ I said, but I was just too unsure to say something different _"John is strong"_

_"Do you think you can treat my mother too?"_

_"I'm afraid I can't, Dean… I'm not a psychiatric"_

_"I never understood why she lost herself like this"_

_"Neither do I, she looked really sane to me when Sam was little"_

_"Yeah, most of time she was alright… But she used to see demons everywhere, ghosts and creatures"_

_"Do you think there was something real in her hallucinations?"_

_"Maybe, but who would believe her even if it was true?"_

_"You got a point"_ I said closing my eyes, I could feel Dean's hand on my chest running up and down _"What are you doing?"_

_"I like this line on your chest"_ He said in a boyish manner

_"I bet it's not only that you like"_ I teased Dean that laughed

_"You got me!"_ He said playfully, I laughed this time _"Do you want to…. Hun?"_

_"Sex?"_ I asked and I could feel Dean getting embarrassed

_"Yes…"_

_"I'm too tired, Dean"_ I said yawning, Dean rested his head on my chest and laughed softly

_"Me too"_ I laughed

"_Why did you ask then?"_

_"I just wanted to know… Well, since we never done that"_

_"It's ok, Dean, sex is not that important in my list right now"_

_"What is important in your list now, Cas?"_

_"You"_

.

* * *

_**May 9th 1975** – Afternoon_

* * *

.

The last two days were all about John's treatment and the mechanical shop. I barely saw Dean only at night when we slept; don't get me wrong, I loved that Dean was working in something so big and helping his dad too. All in all he forgot that activist thing in San Francisco, I was glad that all of these things were happening, but time flew, only by afternoon Dean came home earlier like me and we sat on the floor to talk again.

_"How are things with the mechanical shop?"_

_"Good, today we set up a nice place on the back garden to paint cars"_ Replied Dean excited, it was good to see that face again, that was happiness right there. _"I'm thinking about customizing cars, what do you think?"_

_"It seems like a great idea"_ I replied smiling, Dean went on and on about mechanical things; I nodded pretending to understand, but I was just looking at his eyes, actually gazing… Dean's eyes were like a child.

_"And you Cas? Anything exciting on your office?"_ Mocked Dean and I laughed

_"No, well there's you"_ I said smiling, Dean laughed and rested his head on my lap

_"You lucky cute guy!"_

_"Yeah, you know cute people have all the luck"_ I replied while Dean closed his eyes, I caressed his hair _"How do you think things will be when we grow old?"_

_"Better"_ replied Dean holding my hand "_We will have a nice house, no dogs or cats please, I'll have my dad's impala and Sam will be here married with his girlfriend"_

_"And me?"_

_"Well, maybe I'll trade you for a hot chick"_ Laughed Dean, I slapped him lightly on the arm _"ouch, I'm kidding… Of course you'll be here with me, always"_

_"What makes you sure I won't trade you for a hot chick?"_

_"That's easy, you love me"_

_"You cocky handsome man"_

_"So am I handsome?"_

_"And cocky"_ We both laughed, it was good to spend some time with Dean;

.

* * *

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

.

_"I guess that is it for today"_ I said, it was getting late and I was talking nonstop like an old man., which I actually was.

_"But what about the history?"_ Asked Meg curious, I laughed softly and Gabriel smiled

_"Tomorrow he'll tell us more"_ Replied Gabriel; we said goodbye and I drove to my home, this house by the sea with white picket fence. Dean would love to live here with me; I still kept the photos he took of us. I just wish he was here with me, I ran my hand over his leather jacket hanged on the chair; it stood there like it was yesterday he left there; the telephone rang and I picked up after a while; who would call me this time?

_"Cas…"_ I heard a hoarse voice _"It's Sam"_

_"Sam"_ I replied a little surprised _"How are you?"_

_"I'm good, married life do wonders for a lonely guy, how are things?"_

_"Just the same old, you know…"_ I replied trying to keep my tears from falling _"Sorry"_

_"It's ok, Cas… I just needed to check up on you"_

_"Why?"_ I asked, I was glad he called; but talking to Sam just reminded me of Dean.

_"Because it wasn't your fault, Cas… Not matter what my father told you"_

_"I understand… I was a doctor I was supposed to help him"_

_"Cas… You know that he was in pain, he would blame anyone to get some relieve"_

_"I know, but… why does still hurt?"_

_"I guess it will never stop hurting, Cas… How are you holding up?"_

_"It's hard not to drink, but I'm sober"_

_"I guess that is good, Cas… Call me if you need anything"_

_"Thank you, Sam"_


	6. Living A Lie

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

_._

_"So, what happened that month…? May right?"_ Asked Meg smiling, I nodded

_"Yes, it was May 9th 1975… It rained a lot; Dean had another panic attack that night"_

_._

* * *

_**May 9th 1975** – Night_

* * *

.

_"Cas… Cas…"_ Whispered Dean in my arms, I looked at his scared face and embraced him

_"Dean"_ I replied, he smiled and closed his eyes; the storm outside was strong it flashed with lighting and thunder; and a boom hit the windows.

_"I'm sorry"_ Whispered Dean shaking, he was terrified

_"For what?"_

_"Making you go through this, how can I protect you when I'm afraid of thunder and lightning?"_

_"You don't have to protect me all the time…"_ I smiled and another thunder raged stronger than before on the skies _"Let me protect you, Dean"_

_"Thank you, Cas"_ He whispered, I've never seen Dean like that; so fragile; so afraid, shaking like a little boy.

"_Dean, you don't have to be strong because I'm here… I want all of you, even the Dean I see now"_

_"Do you?"_ Whispered Dean as the rain became heavy

_"Yes"_ I whispered back wrapping him around a blanket _"All of you"_

Dean looked at me "_I really don't deserve you"_

_"Yes, you do"_ I replied embracing him again, we stood there on the couch; listening to the rain striking the windows and the violent winds whistling through the apartment.

.

* * *

_**May 10th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

Dean woke me with a kiss, it tasted like bacon; I laughed and he made a confused face.

_"Good morning, Dean"_

_"Good morning, Cas"_ He replied sitting by my feet in the bed _"What was so funny?"_

_"Your lips taste like bacon, did you eat breakfast?"_

_"Yes"_ He smiled _"I made breakfast for you in the kitchen"_

_"That's nice…"_ I said yawning, Dean smiled and kissed my cheek; I could smell his cologne; it got me thinking if he was waiting for something to happen between us or if he was leaving to meet his father _"Are you going to see you father?"_

_"Yes, later…"_ Said Dean smiling, it made me suspicious of his intentions_ "I was waiting for you to wake up… You know, morning sex is always good…"_

_"I see"_ I said while Dean crawled over me slowly, I lay down and smiled _"I need to work, Dean"_

_"We can do it quickly… Cas"_ I held his chin above me and smiled _"So?"_

_"Sorry, Dean… Maybe another time"_ I said kissing his chin

_"Cas"_ He whispered ignoring me; I place my hand on his chest and pushed him aside slowly

_"Dean, no"_ I said smiling, I knew he just wanted me to stay; and if I gave in to Dean I wouldn't go to work.

_"Well…"_ Said Dean kissing me again _"I can wait a little longer"_

I smiled; Dean was an amazing guy to be with. The night came and when I returned home Dean was sleeping on the couch, I didn't know I was getting so late at home. I stopped and watched him for a while, he had set the table and the dinner was cold; I felt bad for him.

_"Dean"_ I whispered putting my arms around him and resting my head on his chest

_"Cas?"_ He replied drowse _"Which time is it?"_

_"Late, I'm sorry…"_ I continued closing my eyes _"I should have called you to tell you I was gonna be late"_

_"It's ok, Cas"_ Said Dean kissing my forehead, his lips were somewhat dry; it made me wonder how long he waited for me.

_"You made dinner, let's eat"_ I said opening my eyes, Dean smiled wide as he sat on the table; the food was cold, but it was good _"So, what did you do today?"_

_"I spent the day with my dad; we fixed our first car…"_ Said Dean excited, some of mashed potato painted his cheek; I grabbed a napkin and cleaned it up _"Thank you… I'm making progress with Balthazar, this therapy thing is working."_

_"I'm glad, Dean"_ I said finishing my plate _"I confess I never liked to come home, now I have a reason to look forward it"_

_"Me too"_ Laughed Dean _"I'm so lucky… I think I'm in love with you"_

_"You fell in love with me because I rescued you that day in the kinder garden?"_

_"Yeah"_ Said Dean laughing, I laughed too; I never believed love at first sight. _"When did you fall in love with me?"_

_"I don't know… I never thought you liked me, you were always with Lisa"_

_"Well, I needed a cover… Lisa always understood me, and my dad always suspected about the crush I have on you"_

_"Yes, you dad is smart; I wonder if he knows or suspect that we are together"_

_"Probably no"_ Said Dean laughing _"He asked me if I was going back to Lisa"_

_"Are you?"_ I laughed

_"Of course not"_ Replied Dean smiling

_"I hope your dad don't find out about us"_

_"Me too, he wouldn't let me get close to him… Or Sam"_

_"Do you think so?"_

_"Yeah, dad is… A difficult person, I think he just don't understand"_

_"So we aren't gonna tell him, right?"_

_"Not now, I'll find a way to tell him, Cas"_

_"You don't have to, if you don't want"_

_"I want, Cas, I can't keep living a lie"_

I smiled, but I was afraid and I worried not for me, but for Dean he was a former war hero, our hero, I knew things would get harder for him than for me. They would always need a doctor in this small town; I could live with their hate, but I couldn't let them hurt Dean, especially now with all this mental health issues. Why things could be simpler?


	7. Saving Dean

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

.

_"I'm sorry to interrupt, but did he die?"_ Asked Meg trying to show some sympathy, I nodded in silence

_"Yes, Dean died… This was the last night we spent together"_ I continued while everybody was silent, my words echoed through the room; I've never felt so alone in my whole life...

.

* * *

_**May 11th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

I woke up; talked with Dean and went to work. It was just an ordinary day… So I thought, I spent the whole day thinking about what Dean said, about living a lie. I came home tired, Dean wasn't there, I found it strange; I went to John's house and found him unconscious under a car, I swear I tried to wake him up, to do something, but I was too late. Apparently he was fixing a car and it fell on him, it crushed him, John found me a minute later covered in blood. I called an ambulance and explained that I just found him there; John sat on the couch with his hands on his face.

_"Why?"_ He shouted_ "Why you took away my son?"_ He shouted again crying and looking up to the ceiling, I embraced him and let him cry; I was in pain too; but I was too shocked to feel a thing.

_"John, do you want me to handle this?"_ I whispered, John just nodded; grabbed a bottle of whiskey and lock himself in his room. I stood there, waiting and holding Dean's hand; He looked peaceful, the ambulance came; I don't recall the details, but I planned the funeral too. John, Mary and her family, even Sam attended.

I was falling apart inside, but I managed to help John go through it all; Mary was more off than the usual, she kept telling Sam that his brother was in heaven that angels were watching over him now. She repeated that Dean was a good boy, that she was proud. They lowered the casket and I felt a shock, a pain took over me, and I cried in silence. I must had looked broken because Mary embraced me and whispered on my ear in a really low tone.

_"You loved him, did you?"_ I nodded, but I was also in panic; she smiled and when all was over Sam and John came to talk to me.

_"Castiel, you did this family a service…"_ Said John resting his hand on my shoulder _"Thank you, there's no way I can repay you what you've done for us"_

_"You don't have to thank me, John; I'm a friend of your family…"_

_"Yes, I do"_ Replied John hugging me_ "You are like a son to me, thank you"_

_"Cas, anything you need… Just call us"_ Said Sam smiling, I smiled too; but I was hurting too much.

_"I will"_ I replied meekly, John said goodbye and I stood there looking at the place where Dean was buried, Sam stood by my side; we spent one hour without saying a thing, we were alone.

_"Cas"_ Said Sam resting his hand on my shoulder "_I know that is not the time, but… Dean told me you guys were **together**"_

_"Did he?"_ I asked surprised, I felt a little embarrassed; it was a wonder how Dean continued to make me blush even beyond the grave.

_"Yes, I'm cool with that… I mean, I always knew"_

_"But how? When?"_ I asked confused trying to recap a moment where I let it slip or something similar

_"Well, you kept sending him letters… And Dean told me he was afraid he was falling for you; at first he wanted to die, why do you think he enlisted in the first place?"_

_"What about John?"_

_"No, my dad doesn't know"_

_"Maybe it's better to keep this secret"_

_"I think that too"_ I went home and I found an old bottle of vodka; the second step to my addiction.

.

* * *

_**1990** – AA Meeting_

* * *

.

_"Are you clean now?"_ Asked Meg curious

_"Yes, two weeks and counting…"_

_"I know how hard it is..."_ Said Gabriel smiling _"It's my second month without any alcohol; it's been a tough test"_

_"You can say that again"_ Said Meg laughing _"It's just my third day and I feel the need to drink until I pass out"_

_"It's been good to talk with you guys, to take these things out of my chest…"_ I said feeling relieved, it was the first time I talked about it with someone, but Sam.

_"Yeah, you went through a lot"_ Said Gabriel, the others talked with each other, Meg and Gabriel were the only constant faces there "_Are you still a doctor?"_

_"Yes, a ghost that I used to be… After drinking for years and trying to quit it, I'm just a heck of I was"_

_"Hang on, Castiel…"_ Said Gabriel smiling _"There's always time to start again"_

We talked a little bit more, Meg told us about her daddy issues and how it made her hate herself; Gabriel told us that his brothers were control freaks and he was just being rebellions when he got addicted. I listened to their stories, finding the same difficulties while trying to quit was a relief, it meant I was normal.

I went back to my home and sat on my couch again, I closed my eyes and Dean's smile was there to haunt me; this time I smiled too, because I knew Dean would want me to be happy.

_"Cas…"_ I heard a voice and opened my eyes quickly, Gabriel was there standing in my living room

_**"Gabriel?!"** _I said standing up _"How did you get in here?"_

_"I'm an angel, Cas"_ He said in a calm manner and laughed

_"What?"_

_"You know, fluffy wings and halos..."_ He said pulling a chair and sitting down "_That sort of thing"_

_"You must be kidding me..."_

_"What if I tell you I can send you back into the past?"_

_"I would say you should be on Narcotics anonymous..."_ Gabriel laughed, he stood up and a lighting struck the room, his dark wings marked the walls behind him for a second; I panicked, I checked my breath for alcohol, but I was sober.

_"You are an angel?!"_

_"Then what would you do?"_

_"Save Dean"_ I replied in a heartbeat

_"What about we play a game?"_

_"A game?"_

_"Yes, I need you to save Dean and I need an artifact hidden in a box in John's house"_

_"You want me to steal something?"_

_"Consider that a fair trade, you save Dean and I get this artifact"_ Said Gabriel smiling, I nodded, it was a chance to save Dean; I was suspicious of him, but I couldn't bear this pain any longer.

_"Close your eyes"_ Said him

I obey and black out.


	8. A Deal's Footnote

_**May 11th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

I opened my eyes and Dean slept by my side, peacefully. I felt just like in a dream, my mind was fuzzy and my head was light, I smiled and kissed his cheek.

_"Cas?"_ He replied drowse, and I embraced him in silence

_"Dean"_ I whispered, it was years since I lost him… Years filled with alcohol and pain. _"It's so good to see you again, so good"_

_"Cas, we just slept in the same bed…."_ He continued smiling widely _"What is going on?"_

_"I'm sorry"_ I said, I looked right into his eyes; green like a forest; I felt like all my pain was removed; my body was whole again, then it struck me… Dean would die that day. _"I'm taking a day off today; let's go to the amusement park"_

_"Yeah, it looks like a nice idea…"_ Said Dean kissing my cheek, I never felt so good on my whole life; it was like returning home, I just needed to keep Dean away from a while; I just needed to watch over him like I was his guardian angel.

_"I love you, Dean..."_ I whispered _"I would've said that a thousand times… Why was I ashamed to love you?"_

_"Cas, you really are acting strangely today"_ Laughed Dean holding me back tight _"But I like it, anyway"_

I stood in silence, I was blessed; Gabriel helped me… But I needed to steal something, anything for having Dean back, that's what I thought in that moment.

_"Let's have breakfast, shall we?"_ Said Dean standing up, I let him go and followed him to the kitchen; this time I would save him no matter what.

.

* * *

_**May 11th 1975** – Afternoon_

* * *

.

Dean and I were on the Ferris wheel, it stopped, we were on the top of it; I breathed relieved, nobody could see us.

_"So want to make out?"_ Asked Dean laughing

_"Dean"_ I said laughing, he knew it was dangerous; if we were in another place and another time, maybe we could be together like this. _"Don't"_

_"You know…. You look so handsome"_ He replied resting his arms on my shoulders _"Your eyes look different"_

"Do they?" I asked smiling, maybe Dean could see the sorrow that came over me, I wasn't his Cas… I was a half empty shell.

_"Yeah, you look like you became wiser…"_ He said puzzled _"I like it"_ I let a tear slip and he smiled, it was good to know that even after all the pain I went through Dean still loved me.

_"I've always loved you"_ I whispered, Dean embraced me… _"How many nights have I waited be embraced by you…"_

_"What are you talking about?"_ Said Dean pulling me away gently _"Are you ok?"_

_"I'm sorry, I just had a bad dream"_ I said repeating to myself, I wanted to convince myself that the future was just a bad dream. _"I'm glad you are here with me"_

_"I'm glad to be here with you"_ Dean replied and smiled embarrassed _"Well, I told my brother about us… Sorry"_

_"It's ok"_ I replied smiling widely, now I knew when Dean told Sam about us _"I knew you would… Eventually"_

_"Sammy says it ok…. Aren't you mad?"_

_"No, why should I be?"_

_"Well, you didn't want anybody to know"_

_"I know that, but I've changed my mind…"_ I continued remembering the Castro's talk we had _"But I guess some people… At least your family should know"_

_"Then it means we'll tell my dad?"_ Asked Dean a little afraid, I smiled and the Ferris wheel moved

_"Not now… Dean"_

We spend the day walking around the park and talking, until Dean decided we needed to eat out tonight;

_"I'm serious… Cas"_ He repeated while I laughed, it was so strange asking me to eat out, Dean was just like one of those guys. _"Let's eat out so that we can celebrate"_

_"Celebrate?"_ I replied curious

_"Yeah, you and me together… Isn't that enough to celebrate?"_

"Well,_ I guess"_ I laughed again, Dean smiled his laugh lines were thin; I felt good inside, seeing him after burying him was like a miracle.

.

* * *

_._

_"Castiel!"_ Said Gabriel extending his hand to me, we were in the middle of the amusement park; I was surprised and shook his hand, Dean looked at me confused.

_"Gabriel?!"_ I replied surprised

_"Aren't you gonna introduce us?"_ Asked Dean shaking Gabriel's hand

_"This is my friend, Gabriel"_ I said a little shaken

_"Any friend of Cas is a friend of mine"_ Replied Dean, I nodded

_"Dean, can you excuse us, he is a patient and I will talk about his situation"_ I said gently, Dean nodded and smiled while leaving

_"I'm grabbing some hotdogs for us, Cas"_ I smiled and Gabriel smiled back

_"I did my part, now you do yours"_ Said Gabriel

_"I will, now I need to keep Dean safe"_ I whispered

_"Don't be afraid, I'll watch over your boyfriend"_ He replied whispering too _"Just get that thing"_

_"Why don't you get it?"_

_"Because angels can't touch that box"_

_"What is in it?"_

_"Don't be curious Cas…"_ Said Gabriel padding on my shoulder _"Do it"_

_"Cas?"_ Said Dean giving me a hotdog _"Where is your patient?"_

_"He is…"_ I said turning back, but Gabriel wasn't there _"Gone"_

_"I see"_ Laughed Dean biting his hotdog _"Hun, I love those things"_

I faked a laugh; I was too worried about my 'new' future to laugh for real. Have I done a deal that I can't fulfill? I wasn't an old drunk guy in the rehab anymore, this time I had no excuse, I had to choose… Fulfill my part of the deal, or lose Dean again.


	9. A House Call

_**May 11th 1975** – Night_

* * *

.

I had forgot how good was to listen to Dean's heartbeats, it was paced and slow. I confess I pinched myself every now and then during the night to check if it was all true. It took me some time to fall asleep, I was afraid that when I wake up I was on my bed and I was a drunken doctor all over again.

_"I see you are enjoying your Dean back"_ Said Gabriel; I was lain on a grass at an empty garden.

_"Where am I?"_ I asked confused, wasn't Dean by my side?

_"You are dreaming, Cas"_ Continued Gabriel chucking "_So, remember is a box made of stone, you won't miss it"_

_"Why you want it?"_

_"Heaven's want it"_ Replied him in a suspicious tone _"it's part of our plan"_

_"Plan? Did Dean have to die in your plan?"_

_"Actually no, it was a dirty trick of one little demon"_

_"So If I don't give you the box he'll have it?"_

_"Yes, Cas… It's important that you don't open it, this box must be delivered just to me"_

_"And if I refuse?"_ I asked, Gabriel was acting too suspicious even for an angel, I was betting too much I know, but I would not live knowing that I hurt someone to get Dean back.

_"Then you go back to be a drunken doctor on the future…"_ Gabriel smiled devilish, I trembled, I can't lose Dean again "_So, are you going to get us the box?"_

_"Y-yes"_ I stammered, then I wake up, Dean was kissing my forehead _"Good morning"_

_"Good morning, Cas"_ He said a little worried _"Did you have any nightmares tonight?"_

_"No… Actually I did"_ I said embracing him, I must had looked pathetic _"I'm sorry, I'm behaving like a child"_

_"No, you are not"_ Said Dean smiling and holding my chin _"I like to see this side of you"_

"Do you?" Dean was such a nice guy; I couldn't believe we are together.

_"Yes, Cas… " _He chucked softly and kissed me on my cheek lightly grabbing my arm _"I love you"_

_"I Love you too"_ This was the first time Dean said he loved me, I felt everything I was about to do was worthy of doing, even if I was lying and stealing, why people in love are such fools?

.

* * *

_**May 12th 1975** – Afternoon_

* * *

.

Morning came fast and went faster, I worked harder that day; must confess that all I wanted was to forget that I needed to pay a house call at John's house and steal an artifact. While grabbing my things I noted how this town was so grey, the war took its toll at this place; how many soldiers didn't come home like Dean? I wonder where Sam is now. It seems like something is blocking my memories from this time, like a hand keep pushing my memories away from my mind.

I walked to John's house and knocked, he opened it with a smile:

_"Cas! Come on in"_ I walked in and the house was clean still, I remember well the mess it used to be, but not today

_"Was Ellen here?"_ I laughed

_"Yes, she and her daughter… Jo"_ He said embarrassed while sitting on the couch _"Ok, what you need to know about my heath condition?"_

_"Well…"_ I said sitting on the couch too and taking my pen and papers to take notes _"How much do you sleep?"_

_"8 hours/day"_

_"Do you eat three meals/day ?"_

_"Yes, sir"_

_"Do you Exercise?"_

_"Yes, I jog"_

_"Ok, John, are you feeling anything strange lately?"_

_"No, I'm really fine"_

_"Ok, don't forget to breathe flesh air; it isn't good to stay home all the time"_

_"I got that, doctor"_ He said smiling, I knew John liked me to be his doctor; he was a stubborn old man, but he was an amazing father figure. Well, at least Dean told me so. I had no reason to not believe that;

_"So tomorrow you need to go to the hospital, you have an appointment"_ I said putting away my notebook, John nodded

_"So how is life with Dean doing?"_ I laughed, did John know about us?

_"Good actually"_ He chucked _"He helps me maintaining the house"_

_"Yeah, Dean is a good kid"_

_"Kid?"_

_"Well, man…" J_ohn smiled and ran his hand through his hair turning grey _"Times goes by too quickly those days"_

_"You can say that again"_ We both laughed and there was silence _"Any news about Sam?"_

_"He sent me a letter…"_ John took a paper off his pocket and showed me "_Sam is almost finishing his graduation, he is dating this blonde girl… forgot her name"_

_"Oh! That's good"_ I was kind of worried about Sam. We used to have those long talks about books and movies, but now we barely send each other's letters. _"I'll send him a letter, I miss Sam here, it's been already a year"_

_"Yeah me too, my boys are men now… Soon they won't need this old man here"_ John said it in a way that made me wonder, is he depressed? I smiled and padded him in the shoulder

_"Well, you'll need to help raise your grandsons then"_ John smiled and I could see a little hope there _"I'll come after tomorrow to check up on you"_ I said looking around, where was this stone box?

_"Thank you, Castiel"_ I stood up and shook John's hand, I knew the faster I get that stone box the faster I could stop worry about Dean and me.

.

* * *

_**May 12th 1975** – Night_

* * *

.

_"You are awfully quiet today"_ Whispered Dean with a smile, I looked at his face, he was laid on the bed

_"Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out something"_ I took my boots off and sat on the bed, Dean didn't move a muscle, I smiled _"What is it?"_

"_You look cute when you are thinking"_ He smiled

_"Hun…. Thanks?"_

_"Come on Cas"_ He said embracing me and dragging me to the bed, I laid my head upon his chest; it was a strange and familiar feeling to listen again him breathing

_"Thank you"_ I whispered, Dean laughed softly;

_"Why?"_

_"You always cheer me up"_ Closing my eyes I could feel his hand on my hair, messing with it; like he always did when he thought something was silly. I know, it was a silly thing to say, but I couldn't help myself.

_"I know… What would you do without me?"_ While grabbing his hand and kissing it, I knew the answer… Drink a lot.


	10. Cas, Don't Be A Hero

_**May 13th 1975** – Morning_

* * *

.

The morning light was shining through the curtains, lighting up the whole room in a bluish fashion.

_"Dean?"_ I said in hoarse voice, I could feel his finger on my lips

_"Shhhh"_

_"Dean?"_ I repeated now seeing him with a smile _"What… Are you doing?"_

_"Hun… Cuddling?"_ I laughed while standing up; seeing Dean in just pants I realized he was serious about it _"Seriously?"_

_"Yeah… I though you liked those sort of things"_ He continued embarrassed putting his t shirt on

_"I'm not a girl, Dean"_ I laughed again, Dean blushed and smiled. _"Come here"_ I embraced him kissing his earlobe _"You don't need to do stuff because you think I'll like it"_

_"I g-got that"_ He stammered, I knew it was his weak spot, I bit it lightly _"C-Cas"_ He sweated

_"Now…"_ I chucked and yawned "I need to work"

_"Ok"_ Said Dean with a pillow on his crotch _"Y-you do… That"_

_"What's wrong?"_ I knew what was wrong, but it made Dean blush even more

_"You gave me a boner, smartass"_ He said embarrassed _"This is not funny Cas"_

_"Sorry, honey"_ I laughed while leaving the room. Dean sometimes behaved just like a child.

_"Hey don't honey me"_ He said following me, his hands reached my shoulder and I turned around. Dean was smiling again, I knew that smile. _"Didn't you tease me enough?"_

_"What?! Do you want to do it now?"_

_"Why not?"_

_"I need to work, Dean"_

_"You always need to work"_ Dean whispered in my ears, his hands ran through my arms until he reached mine, raising it he kissed the back of my hands _"Stay here, Cas"_

_"I can't…"_ I said remembering what Gabriel said, I was supposed to get the stone box, John was going to the hospital, it was the perfect time to get in and out his house with the box _"There's something I need to do…"_

_"What's wrong with you lately?"_ Dean sounded worried not upset, it gave me a strange feeling when he looked right into my eyes, and it was like he could read my thoughts

_"What you mean?"_

_"You 'been avoiding my advances for quite a time now… Cas"_ I must confess, it wasn't intentional

_"Dean"_ I smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips _"Trust me, please"_

Dean nodded and turned back to the bedroom "_See you by night, then?"_

_"Yes, I promise I won't be late"_

_._

* * *

_**May 13th 1975** – Afternoon_

* * *

.

I used John's spare key to unlock the back door; I didn't remember there was a library at his house; a vast and tall bookshelf cut the room in half. I made my way around it and found it, a stone box full of carvings.

_"That's quite a box"_ I said to myself, while running my fingers in the carvings. It was a strange language, I wondered why Gabriel needed that and for what.

_"Castiel? What are you doing here?"_ I turned my back and John was standing there with a shotgun in hands ready to shoot me.

_"S-sorry"_ I said putting my hands up in the air, I didn't know John's had a gun. He was confused, like he expected somebody else. _"John please, put the gun down"_

John putted his gun down and threw some water at me

_"John, what the hell you are doing?"_

_"You aren't possessing Castiel then"_ He continued like it was some kind of ritual _"Who told you I had this stone box?"_

_"Nobody"_ I feigned ignorance, trying to convince John that I just wondered there, but my mind went blank I couldn't make up an excuse for being there

_"Castiel, son"_ Said John disappointed, he knew I was sent there, somehow he could read me, just like Dean could. _"Do you know what is inside that box?"_

_"No"_ I said curious _"What is inside it?"_

_"An angel's grace"_

_"What is it?"_

_"It's some kind of energy from an angel, it gives them power"_

_"Why would another angel want that?"_ I let it slip and John's eyes went wide, he smiled and I sweated.

_"An angel asked you to bring that box to him?"_ Asked John now laughing _"Gabriel… Wait was Michael this time?"_

_"It was Gabriel…"_ I replied ashamed _"I had to do it…"_

_"Why did he promise you? Power, everlasting life, money was it?"_ I trembled, how could I tell him that I was in love with his son, that I did it all because I could save Dean's life?

_"I did to save the life of somebody"_

_"Anna?"_ John asked resting his hand on my shoulder, I nodded in meek way, He smiled and embraced me _"Son, you should've come to me for help"_

_"I thought you wouldn't believe me"_ I cried, I realized now I was betraying John's trust by stealing that box _"An angel just showing up and proposing a bargain isn't something people believe at first"_

_"Did he tell you why he wanted that box?"_ Asked John looking right into my eyes

_"No, he just told me to not open it… Can they hear us?"_

_"No, this place is angel proof"_ Said John locking the back door again _"You should not speak of any of this out of this room"_

_"What do will we do?"_

_"I need to think Cas… Last time it didn't end up well"_

_"What happened last time? How do you know all of this about angels?"_ I asked confused and curious, John scratched the top of his head and lit a cigarette.

_"I'm man of letters, son"_ I made a confused face _"It means my family for generations knows about these creatures, angels and demons…"_ He paused to puff the smoke out and sat on a chair close to him _"We are the protectors of the secret knowledge…"_

_"Does Dean…?"_

_"No, He doesn't know…"_ Said John relieved _"This cursed fate ends with me…"_

_"Why is a curse?"_

_"You don't know how many things I had to kill, once the supernatural world touches you, it leaves a mark… it never lets you go"_ John looked tired, now I knew why he didn't want to go to the hospital; he must've been guarding this box for a while now. _"I'm glad I could keep it away from my boys"_

_"John… I'm sorry…"_

_"It's ok, Castiel"_ He said smiling _"You are a nice kid, go home and rest… I'll go to your place and we'll talk about it when I came up with a plan"_

_"Thank you, John"_


	11. Complicated

_**May 13th 1975** – Night_

* * *

.

_"Cas?"_ I was welcomed with an embrace _"You are home earlier today"_

_"Well, I can come back another time if you want"_ I joked, Dean smiled and took me by the hand to the kitchen

_"Dinner just arrived"_ He said cutting a piece of pizza _"Come on, eat up"_

_"Wow, that's a surprise"_ I said eating a piece of pizza _"You didn't try to cook something this time, Thanks to God"_

_"Hey, my cooking skills are great"_ Said Dean in a boyish manner, I laughed and cleaned the mustard off his chin with my napkin_ "Cas, don't clean me up… It makes me feel like a child"_

_"Well, if you didn't eat like one I wouldn't have to clean you up"_

_"I don't eat like a child!"_ Dean protested and I laughed _"I'm your boyfriend not your child!"_

_"Boyfriend, hun?"_

_"Yes, we are boyfriends right?"_

_"I guess"_

_"You guess?!"_

_"I'm joking, Dean"_ I laughed and kissed his cheek

_"Now you got ketchup on my cheek, who is the kid now?"_ Chucked Dean

_"Technically **YOU** got ketchup in your cheek, so…"_

_"Hey!"_ Said Dean cleaning his cheek with a napkin _"Smartass"_

_"How was your work today?"_ I decided to change the topic, to tell the truth I was a little shaken with all that happened today

_"Same old, same old"_ Said Dean finishing another piece of pizza _"Bobby called today…"_

_"How is he doing?"_

_"He is enjoying Detroit, maybe he is coming back for vacation"_

_"It would be good to talk with Bobby again…"_ Bobby and Dean were like Uncle and cousin, Bobby would tell the craziest stories about his time in another country and cities and Dean would dream about a life on the road, always moving, always doing something new.

_"Yeah, Bobby is a lucky bastard… Living on the road, only he and his car"_ Dean sighed and drank a sip of beer _"Lucky guy"_

_"We can do it someday"_ I grabbed his bottle of beer _"Take a year off and live on the road, maybe even cross the country on four wheels, what about it?"_ I drank his beer and Dean chucked, most time he didn't like when I stole his beer, but this time he watched me drink it and smiled

_"Yeah, that sounds like a plan, Cas"_

_"That's strange…"_ I chucked _"You didn't get upset I stole you beer"_

_"Nah…"_ Dean smiled mischievously _"Maybe I want to get you drunk, and then I get you into the bed…"_

_"And I fell for it like a little duck"_ I joked

_"A wolf gotta eat"_ Dean said grabbing my shirt's collar _"Little ducks taste real good, you know?"_

We walked to my bedroom and Dean took his shirt off, with his teeth he took my tie off, I kissed his earlobe while we lie down.

_"You are really in the mood, hun?"_ Dean whispered and I smiled in response, His hand ran down to my waist while I kissed his mouth; tongues touching slightly; my hands on his hair messing it between my fingers. _"Cas?"_

_"Yes, Dean?"_

_"Do you love me?"_

_"I do"_ I replied silencing him with my mouth, Dean was trying to say something, but I didn't let him… His nails scratching my back lightly, his low moaning sounds just made me want more of him _"C-cas?"_

_"Dean!"_ I stopped upset**_ "I'm trying to have sex with you, can you shut up?"_**

_"But there's someone knocking on the front door"_ He whispered, I putted my shirt on again hiding some red spots of skin where Dean sucked _"Stay here, we have business to finish"_

_"Yes, sir"_ Said Dean smiling _"I'll be waiting"_

I walked to the door and opened it

_"Are you Castiel?"_ It was a tall man, kind of Irish guy, blue eyes and blond.

_"Yes, who are you?"_ I asked suspicious, that guy looked familiar somehow

_"I'm Benny, nice to meet you"_ He extended his hand to me and I shook it _"I thought you were dead!"_

_"I was held captive; those Vietcong's let me go… You know once the war was over"_ I was confused why was him here? _"Can I come in?"_

_"Y-yes, of course"_ I said letting him in, he sat on the couch and I followed him curious _"Why are you here?"_

_"I'm sorry for coming so late, but my leg is killing me"_ He said showing me a burn in his leg, it looked old, but red and raw

_"Where did you get that?"_ I asked examining it

_"War"_ He said embarrassed _"I live next door, sorry to disturb you, but a friend of mine told you are a doctor… I'll pay you for this visit, just take a look at it, please"_

"_Ok"_ I said taking my aid kit from under the couch and cleaning his wound _"Take this pills"_ I gave him some medication and dressed his wound _"You need to keep it clean always, take one pill every day, no more, this is a powerful pain killer"_

_"Thank you doctor… How much I owe you?"_

_"Nothing"_ I said putting my aid kit away

_"Benny?!"_ Said Dean walking into the room, Benny smiled and embraced him, luckily Dean was dressed. It made easier to explain Dean's presence on my apartment so late. _"You are alive!"_

_"Yes, I am"_ Said Benny smiling _"What you are doing here?"_

_"I'm sharing this apartment with Cas…"_

_"So that's the guy that kept sending you letters?"_

_"Yep"_

Benny smiled at me and I smiled back embarrassed

_"A good friend indeed, he helped me with my wound"_

_"Yeah, Cas got a big heart"_

_"Then I'll be going, see you guys around… I need to take my pills"_ I nodded and Dean walked him to the door, they talked about something and Benny left.

_"Can you believe that?"_ Said Dean astonished

_"Yeah, he is alive"_

_"Live is a box of surprises!"_ Dean grabbed me by my waist and kissed my lips _"So can we go back to our business?"_

_"It's already late Dean…"_ Millions of things went through my mind, was Benny the guy that Dean slept with in the army? Benny knew about me and him? Did Benny like Dean?

_"Cas…"_ Dean ran his fingers on my neck and chucked _"Are you jealous?"_

_"Jealous?!"_ I replied shocked, I guess I was _"Of whom?"_

_"Benny?"_

_"No"_

_"Yes, you are…"_ Laughed Dean _"Come on baby, don't you want me?"_

_"Dean"_ He knew I hated when he called me baby

_"Cas"_ He whispered looking right into my eyes; it was his way to ask_ 'what is wrong?'_

_"Dean… I'm just tired"_ I had too much to process in one day, having sex with Dean would just complicate stuff up

_"Fine!"_ He said upset now _"I'll sleep in my room"_

_"Dean…"_ I said holding his arm, not letting him go_ "I'm sorry"_

_"Cas, if you want this to work out, there can't be any secrets between you and me…"_

_"Why do you think I'm keeping a secret?"_

_"Because I know you"_ He said placing his hand on my cheek _"Don't shut me down, Cas… I can't stand it"_

_"Dean"_

_"I went to the hospital to see you by morning…"_ He continued looking at me, Dean was worried, I haven't seen him like this since the day I ran away from home; when I was five _"You weren't there, where were you Cas?"_

"_I was doing a house call"_ I lied, feeling guilty _"You can ask John"_

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"I didn't plan it, Dean… I just went to check up on him"_

_"...Sorry, Cas"_ Said Dean embracing me_ "I didn't mean to act like this… Man, I know you a long time, I should have known better"_

_"It's ok"_ I said kissing his cheek, Dean's smell brought me memories of us running on trails in a hot day, yellow fields of dry plants and a strange nostalgia. How things were simpler! No angels, no demons, no war or complicated situations._ "Dean… Come on to bed, let's us sleep"_

Dean nodded and smiled gently to me while I kissed his forehead, it was a pure kiss, like a brotherly kiss, something we used to do as kids. I felt like we were playing games again, like tag, and it was on me this time.

.

* * *

**May 14th 1975**

* * *

.

_"Enjoy Dean much?"_ I heard a voice, I was dreaming again… A green field by morning, Gabriel was by my side.

_"Gabriel?"_ I said confused _"What you are doing here?"_

_"Checking up on you"_ He said sitting down and smiling _"You know, You and Dean do share profound bond… It's kind of a crazy thing to think about it"_

_"Yeah, Dean and I got history…"_

_"Maybe too much…"_

I paused trying to make sense of his statement, what was that supposed to mean?

_"You and Dean always end up together, that puzzles me, Castiel… Is that God's way to say we are here because he wants it?"_

_"I don't understand…"_

_"Of course you don't, you couldn't understand not even if you tried now"_

I felt strange like there was something wrong there; Gabriel wanted that angel's grace for some purpose, whose grace was in the box?

_"Cas, you are such a luck guy… Getting all the good stuff, while I'm…."_ Gabriel paused and looked at me, he smiled _"Never mind I should be going"_

I wanted to ask him something, but Gabriel was gone and I felt a strange 'Déjà vu' sensation. I knew I heard that before.

* * *

_"Cas, good morning"_ I heard Dean's voice and woke up

_"Morning"_ I repeated yawning

_"You okay?"_

_"Fine"_ I said a little shaken; Dean smiled and looked at my eyes like a curious child _"Dean?"_

He kissed me without saying a word; I smiled and kissed him back, Dean's lips were always warm and dry… I wondered why.

"_Cas"_ He whispered in low tone, like he was afraid someone was listening to us _"Can we take a day off?"_

_"It's Sunday Dean"_ I laughed

_"Already?"_ He laughed and rested his head on my chest laying me down with him _"I like when we are here… Like this"_

_"I like you like this"_ I joked while caressing his hair

_"You funny guy"_ Chucked Dean while closing his eyes _"I wish I could stay like this forever"_

_"Me too"_

_"Cas… I talked with my dad, he was kind of nervous… Is he ok?"_

_"Yes, his heath condition is improving…"_

_"I can't shake this feeling I'm gonna lose you…"_

_"You won't lose me, Dean"_ I smiled and held him closer _"I won't let you go away that easy"_

_"I hear that"_

_"So breakfast?"_

We ate breakfast and Dean told all about how he wanted his father's impala and how it works, while pretending to understand the 'auto talk' I wondered since when John was a man of letters, I needed to talk to him, I was full of questions.

_"Cas?"_

_"I'm sorry Dean, did I spaced out?"_

_"Yeah, you can say that"_

_"Wow, sorry you know I don't get this car stuff, Dean"_

_"Yeah, can you just pretend to like it?"_

_"Sorry"_

_"You are way too distracted today, what's up?"_

_"I'm just thinking to come by to your father's house…"_ I said a little worried _"You know to check up on him"_

_"Cas?"_ Chucked Dean _"Are you falling for my old man?"_

_"Maybe"_ I laughed _"Jealous?"_

_"Very much"_ Continued Dean embracing me and burying his nose on my hair _"Cas… I'm kind of afraid…"_

_"Why?"_

_"You know, living in secret like this…"_

_"I know…"_

_"Then why we don't…"_ Dean trailed off

_"No Dean"_ I answered in the sweetest tone possible_ "There will be repercussions… Severe ones"_

_"I wanted to say to 'hell with that!'…"_ Continued Dean almost whispering _"But I know you would be upset"_

_"I would"_ I laughed _"Dean, I love you… Isn't that enough?"_

_"Yes… But…"_ Dean smiled and stood in silence, I could hear him breathing relieved; I turned and embraced him feeling his smell._ "You are right, Cas… That would be complicated… Too much complicated to handle right now…"_


End file.
